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Does this conversation sound familiar?
“Hey, lets grab some dinner!”
“Sounds great!”
“Where do you want to go?”
“Uh…wherever…”
Okay, so let’s get an illusion out of the way right now. Indecisiveness is not “easy going,” it’s actually “high maintenance.” If we can’t make a decision, we’re putting extra weight on our friends, our families, and our partners (or our dates).
It’s really easy to want someone else to take charge and make decisions for us, after all, that’s how we first understood the world to be. As babies, we started off with no choices. There was literally nothing that we could control.
Gaining more choices about which we have the final authority is a far more important part of growing up than learning whether a cow says “moo” or the stove is hot. We can see this clearly in the period as children where our only answer is “No!” We just gained the ability to comprehend that “No,” was a response that we were capable of giving! I wonder what it would be like if this breakthrough was met with a celebration. Likely our parents responded with irritation or greater forcefulness and we received the message that we shouldn’t display our independence.
This is not about blaming parents, though. This is about understanding why we want someone else to make our decisions. You see, the baby who has no choices is the foundation for the adult we become.
So we grow to adulthood. We eventually learn to make many decisions for ourselves, but we are conflicted about decision making because sometimes we are affirmed for it, and other times we are corrected. We may eventually take pride in our independence. Most of us notice, however, that we tend to waffle or defer many decisions either to a later time or to another person.
Why?
We’re afraid of being wrong. At some point in the growing up process we became risk averse and one of the most important risks to avoid was being wrong.
Why?
Because we identify our selves with our outcomes. Thus, if our decisions are wrong, WE are wrong.
One of the most important lessons we can ever learn is how to separate our outcomes from our selves. The way to do this is to notice yourself when faced with a choice. Notice what you feel when you have made a decision but have not yet acted. Notice how you feel just after taking action. Bring awareness to the process, and you will begin to learn from it again.
It is important to know that sometimes our energy gets really locked into a particular way of being and we can’t seem to change or grow past it. When this happens, there is something more going on and we need help.
If you’re stuck on something that you can’t get past, I can help you transform that block—after all, that’s what I do.
If you’re anything like me, you find wisdom in odd places. For instance, the band Rush drops some pretty wise comments into their lyrics—none more so than the song “Freewill” that has this gem, “If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.”
If you make the decision to remain locked in a pattern that doesn’t allow you to achieve your highest potential, that’s your choice. I invite you to make a different one. Get started with a copy of my free report, “Three Things You Must Do To Get What You Want.” You can find it on the sidebar.